As this is still in my first handful of newsletters/blog posts/artist journal entries - whatever I decide to call them - I do want to say that this may not be what you’d expect from a ‘comedian’, but that’s something I’ll cover in this write up.
I hope 2025 has been a good year for you! I hope you’re able to silence the noise of life and recognize how amazing it is that you’re doing what you’re doing. If you’re like me, you may tend to focus on the things you didn’t do, or what went wrong, but it’s important to take time to focus on our accomplishments!
2025 has been a challenging, rewarding, and difficult year to get through, and though I’m usually not one to subscribe to ‘year in reviews’ - as you can see if you do a deep dive on my angsty teenage Facebook statuses - I’ve since seen some value in looking back on the wins and losses of the past, in order to grow in the future!
This year my wins have been big, and losses plenty, but I wanted to share how I’ve learned that loss isn’t always a bad thing. If you’ve seen my taping on YouTube, you know that during the pandemic I was a gardener for commercial buildings - malls, offices, and… old folks homes 😅
As I’d spend hours in a tropical, humid atrium smack dab in the heart of downtown Calgary, I learned about myself as a human, through plants. When I was starting out I’d see that almost every time I went to a location there would be leaves turning yellow, dying off, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. I researched, changed watering amounts, added nutrients, everything plants need, I gave them; but week after week, I’d have to prune dying leaves off of these otherwise healthy plants.
But then I realized something.
These plants weren’t dying, they were growing. The plants WERE healthy. They were growing taller, wider. They needed new leaves that better suit their growth and so naturally shed the leaves they no longer needed, otherwise they’d be wasting energy on parts of themselves that no longer contribute to their health, growth and beauty.
It’s the same for you and I. The only issue is that sometimes the things we need to let go of in life aren’t as obvious as green turning yellow.
Like I said, my losses have been plenty this year. Some leaves I’ve shed of my own accord, and others were clipped off by someone calling themselves a ‘gardener’, before I was ready. Some hurt, but after some time to heal and take a closer look, I know they shed so that I can grow healthier leaves because I’ve been giving myself the right nutrients.
Conner: Galactic Host of the AAA Cabaret!
Conner Christmas came back to the University of Lethbridge to host a sci-fi inspired cabaret; a blending of University students with alumni stars like Conner who was a terrific collaborator on this Mainstage production. Such a professional to work with, so adaptable ...and talented! Thanks again Conner for your work!.
Mia Van Leeuwen
MY NUTRIENTS:
-vitamin D (sun if you can get it, but if you’re north of the 46th parallel, you should be taking 3x the recommended dose in winter months)
-Water, duh
-Unprocessed Food (if I can do it on tours anyone can do it at home)
-Active Over Passive (actively find and enjoy the things you like. don’t wait for an algorithm to tell you)
-Leave Your House (life doesn’t happen in your comfort zone)
-Dance and be Silly! (Wiggle your meat sack, ya bag o’bones)
-Smile at People (solves awkward eye contact, creates connection, + the more you smile the happier you are!)
-If you can help someone, do it! (Maybe I’m just leaning into my namesake more as years go on, but helping folks is a great way to feel good)
-Follow your Path (Sometimes you have to split up with people you’ve walked with for a while, and that’s okay. Don’t let other people, including your past self, dictate where you go in life.)
Taken from the AAA CABARET A sci-fi cabaret at the university of Lethbridge
I’m sure there are more, but these are some of the main life practices I’ve put in place this year, and although growing pains exist, they have helped me tremendously in terms of my mental health, relationships, and life overall.
Now for the wins - because as important as it is to learn from losses, it’s even more important to remember the awesome things we’ve done! I spent a lot of this year focused on the negative. I felt like I hadn’t made any strides in my career and personal life; but I developed a voice in my head that would interrupt those spirals and say “No! Conner! Take a moment and actually review your year.”
And when I’d listen, I would recall everything in my year, not just the bad, and it’s helped me recognize milestones and accomplishments.
This year, I MADE A FREAKING MOVIE. Well, not necessarily a movie, we want to make it a TV series, but it feels like a movie. There are No Squirrels in Lethbridge was a huge undertaking. Thousands of hours of work, travelling between Lethbridge and Calgary more than a Taber corn truck in August, and about two full months of working 8am-2am at the schedule’s most intense. How could I forget that?
still image from There Are No Squirrels In Lethbridge
Since about 2018 I adopted the title of ‘stand up comedian’. Before that, I was an actor, improviser, clown, director; I was whatever interested me. But since my stand up started gaining traction, I began to only look at my life through that lens. I would base how my entire life is going off of how my career was going - what a dumb way to do things, right? I didn’t know that. Not until after I took time off comedy to focus on other opportunities - get back into theatre, as well as write and direct a film. I started losing gigs and rebookings this year because people in the local Alberta comedy industry “hadn’t seen me for a while.”
But I swallowed my pride, and can now say I’m proud of how I’ve dealt with it. I quit my day job this year and have been a full time artist since August. Sometimes you have to bet on yourself when other people won’t. And I’m here to tell you that it can work out. I’ve had time for other projects, which has made me happier, and inspires me to write better comedy and I’m excited for all the new and reworked jokes I get to share with you all in 2026!
I realized that I only adopted the title of comedian based on other people’s descriptions of me, and yes - they’re right - I am a comedian, to others. To myself, I’m so much more and I forgot that based on pressures I created for myself.
This year I may not have done as much as I wanted to as a comic, I still did a lot. While heavy into preproduction for ‘TANSIL’ I headlined three cities - Halifax, Kitchener/Waterloo, and Vancouver - I sat in a coffee shop in Halifax from open to close over 2 days, reviewing 200+ auditions on zoom, then performed for 45 minutes each night. I felt like I hadn't done enough, but that’s all it was, a feeling. A feeling based on other people’s expectations of me - people that have been in my life for less time than some of my knit-sweaters.
I’m through it now, although it still hurts a bit, but for those of you that signed up to my original newsletter - this is a big reason why I stopped doing it. I didn’t feel like a comic anymore. I was depressed, burnt out and lacked identity. But that’s because I thought that not being a comic was a bad thing, when in reality I didn’t feel like a comic because I was refinding and reimagining myself as an artist.
In the words of Walt Whitman and Ru Paul,
“I contain multitudes”
And that’s the energy I’m bringing into the new year! And if this resonated with you, I hope you join me in doing the same. Because you too, contain multitudes.
I’ll still be booking and performing shows, but I’ll also be busy with other projects, so make sure you try your best to get tickets when I’m in your city!
I know the tone of this post probably wasn’t what you expected, but right now, I feel incredibly lucky to be living the life I’m living. I’m making art, and booking shows full-time! The only thing I regret is that I can’t go back in time to give my past-self a big hug; but in the same breath, I know I had to go through all those things, in order to get to this place.
I’m thankful for the lessons, and for the yellow leaves that may no longer be with me. As they decompose on the ground, I will absorb the nutrients and knowledge they leave with gratitude.
Let me know what you thought of this post, if you feel inspired to do so! I’d love to know what types of things you do and don’t want to read about, so I can get a better idea this whole newsletter thing!
Best wishes to you and yours this holiday season - as the year of the snake wraps up, I hope you bask in your fresh new skin. Thank you all for being here, I appreciate you, and hope to share many laughs with you in the new year.
